In December 2011, I moved in to my own apartment in Brooklyn. Given that I sold most of my belongings when I moved to New York, the repurchasing everything needed for my apartment has been a slow process that I am still finishing. One of the items I did not feel compelled to buy immediately was curtains. My bathroom window has the texture to it so no one can see anything. The windows in my bedroom and bathroom, however, came with no blinds or curtains.
My original plan was to find some great old bed sheets at a flea market and repurpose them into curtains for these two rooms. I unfortunately did not have much luck on my search for great old bed sheets, particularly some that would match the color schemes/decor of my apartment. Being a girl on a budget, I had no desire to pay a ton of money to buy curtains, so I kept searching for attractive, reasonably-priced curtains.
A few months went by without any luck, but it really did not seem like that big of a deal to me. I just made sure that I changed clothes in my bathroom/hallway and limited my naked time in the apartment to sprints from one room to another.
I was aware that the apartment building across the street from my building was not very far away. I noticed the fact that I could see into my neighbors apartments and notice them cooking dinner and watching television. This did not process in my brain that my neighbors were ever looking into my apartment watching me cook dinner, watch television, nakedly sprint across my apartment, and, well everything else a person does in her apartment…
I quickly became aware one evening as I sat down to enjoy a home-cooked dinner at my dining room table that they could see me. I glanced up to look at my television. My eyes glazed past my living room windows and noticed a man sitting in his living room in the apartment across from me. A thoroughly typical occurrence, except the guy was positioned in such a manner that he appeared to be sitting on his coffee table so he had a clear shot to stare into my apartment, while facing away from anything in his own apartment. Yes, I had my first creeper.
Matters grew worse later that week when I was getting ready to go out dancing with a friend. You see, I also did not buy a full-length mirror right away. To improvise, I usually would stand on the side of my bathtub to look at my lower body in my medicine cabinet mirror. To see the full-length view, I would use my living room window to check myself out. Unfortunately, on this particular night my creeper was home and took my self-checking out to be me posing for him.
So every night, I would get settled either eating dinner, watching TV, or working on my computer to look up and see my creeper watching me. I learned to strategically position myself in my apartment to not be visible to him through the window.
Matters got worse when another neighbor opted to join the Freak Parade taking place in my little corner of Brooklyn. I looked up one night and noticed a man reading by candlelight– a perfectly fine past time. The issue? He had positioned is candle on his windowsill and was seated on his chair directly next to the candle. Naked.
Yes, naked. From what I could see, completely naked! I now had myself my very own Ugly Naked Guy! To make sure we are all on the same page about the original Ugly Naked Guy, enjoy this Friends montage with all the best moments with Ugly Naked Guy.
My Ugly Naked Guy reads naked by candlelight nightly, while my creeper sits a few windows over and watches me. After about a week of this ridiculousness, I went on the hunt for curtains that fit my criteria. I am happy to report that I found some at Marshall’s! I need to hem them so they sit nicely on the windowsill, but they are up for now and my life is creeper-free (at least while at home).
Another day, another Single Girl adventure. Do you have your own Ugly Naked Guy? What’s your worst creepy neighbor story?
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Chynna Haas, founder/editor, is an eternal entrepreneur and blogger who was born and raised in Wisconsin, but now calls Brooklyn home. She enjoys snail mail, laughing, potatoes, and exclamation points!!! She’s currently working on mastering the athletic pursuits mastered by the average seven-year old.